Toxic
by Whyyyyyyyyyyy
Summary: She’s returned. To rebuild her life, and to put to bed old ghosts. TOXIC RELATIONSHIP! May change ratings
1. chapter 1

**Will probably change rating later. Will show an abusive relationship!!! Possible lemons later, including violence, possible sexual violence. -if any of this happens will change rating. You have been warned, otherwise enjoy -**

It's raining when my coach reaches it's stop. Not that bitter cold rain that stings deliciously at whatever skin it comes in contact with; but that soft, warm, refreshing rain that for a split second feels like your sins are being washed away.

It'll take a lot more to cleanse my soul.

Grabbing my lone bag I'm quick to my feet and rush to the door, I've been more patient and in control than I have in a long while on this eleven hour ride, but I'm not willing to push it. I've taken to wearing my thick scarf wrapped around my lower face covering my nose and mouth with a spritz of deodorant in the centre, even after taking these measures I can still smell and taste my fellow passengers with every inhale. If I wasn't also wearing my sunglasses on this dreary evening I would have appeared to be an average traveller, but I'd rather look odd than outright terrifying. My active kakugan would of course be a dead giveaway, I had lost control of my eyes a couple of hours into my commute; a mixture of hunger and anxiety. More than a few times I had to fight my mental images of slaughtering everyone here, bathing in their blood, having my fill and putting an end to this dreaded journey home.

God, what would my parents think?

Yoshimura and Yomo too.

I'm not like _him!_

Once off the bus I remove my makeshift mask and glasses, I lift my head to the rain letting my jacket's hood fall. Deep down I know I've missed this, this filthy city that I call home. I've missed the people, my friends, my makeshift family, him.

No, not _him_.

I grab my battered, cheap throwaway phone and wait for it to turn on while I get my bearings. As usual there was a missed call and voicemail from Itori she tried to get in contact at least once a day for the past three years, I'm a shitty friend only occasionally texting her and Renji to let them know I'm surviving. They're the only two that have my number and Renji never texts back, though Itori lets me know he asks about me... So does _he_.

I need to get out of Shinjuku. l walk briskly to the nearest station, eager to get out of the fourth ward. My half-arsed disguise replaced, not that it would do me a whole lot of good if _he_ catches my scent.

Fortunately the wait for the next express train to the fourteenth ward was a short one filled with stomache turning anxiety. During boarding and the whole way to the fourteenth ward I'm on high alert relying solely on my eyes and ears as my nose is out of commission while my perfumed fabric covers it. There's no incidents as I exit Nakano station, there's no trouble as I walk through the fourteenth ward or once I make it to the bar. I was about to walk in before I was struck with a rare bout of common sense, they were always there after hours and it only being only around ten I'd have a wait on my hands.

Unless...

Unless Itori still had her old apartment. Which wasn't very far to walk and I never gave my key back, deciding that this would be the safest option I hurried to the block of flats only a couple of blocks down.

As I walk through the building I'm reassured by the lingering scent of Itori and the guys as silent confirmation that she still lives here. Three floors up (the elevator's still not fixed!) and my body has started to protest and punish me for going so long without eating, fussing with my duffle-bag and half emptying it's contents all over the floor I fished out the offending key. Kicking my belongings into the open door, I'm amazed at what Itori's managed to do with what used to be a fixer upper apartment. From what I could see the lounge and connected kitchenette had been on the receiving end of a very modern and minimalist makeover, I couldn't help but take a peak of the bedroom or rather boudoir. It was very Itori, full of sensual silks and furs and dim lighting. With my legs still aching from sitting down for so long and so many stairs I went to the bathroom which had not changed much at all and started running a scolding hot bath using a little of her bath lather, I then returned to my bag to get my cleaner of my meagre selection of clothes and towel.

Heaven.

I'm not a religious person and so I believe that a hot bath is the closest one can ever get to a promised land, with good sex coming at a close second. I finally feel human(ish) after I 'borrow' Itori's expensive shampoo and conditioner and I submerge myself a few more times, I can relax now. Everything will be fine, my head's all foggy and when I lean back I can't fight against the seductive pull of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Only a little longer than the first chapter but longer none the less.**_

 _ **Thank you for the follows, favourites and reviews, I hadn't expected this many so soon and considering I'm crap at uploading.**_

 _ **Also I'm sorry for updating after so long. One reason was because I had to completely rewrite this chapter as I didn't like it (multiple times), and second I'm a slow writer (no, duh!) I want to be able to enjoy this experience and take my sweet time. My apologies in advance:)**_

 _The front door opened and was gently shut. The slight rustle of shoes being discarded. Footsteps cautiously made their way to the room I was hiding in, trying to make as little sound as possible._

 _"Fey?" His voice barely a whisper, I try to wiggle further into the space between the sofa and the wall. Hoping that this time he doesn't find me, but he always finds me. The door creaks as he eases himself from the hall to the lounge, I close my eyes and cover my mouth with my chubby hands to prevent the giggles from escaping giving away my location._

 _I can hear his soft steps going to the centre of our modest lounge, followed by the ruffling of heavy fabric and then the plop of it being dropped back down to the floor once he realised I wasn't there. I stuff my face further into my hands to prevent the smug snigger fighting it's way out of me; I've learned that the kotatsu table isn't a suitable hiding area._

 _"Fey" he calls out in a singsong fashion, he's standing in front of the sofa and I refuse to give up my hiding place._

 _It's quiet, too quiet._

 _I tentatively open my eyes to see loving emerald orbs and fiery red hair similar to my own. His eyes crinkle with a smile that could charm the angels from the heavens. He's arms reach out for me as I launch myself at this great bear of a man._

 _ **"Fey."**_

"Fey!" Itori shrieked as she entered her bathroom disrupting my sleep, the water's now cold and there isn't a bubble in sight to protect my modesty. Not that either of us cared; being roommates with Itori requires a lack of inhibitions as she lacks the ability to knock.

I just lay there wide eyed and unsure of what to do or say, I hadn't thought this far ahead. After an awkward silence I pull the plug with my foot and grab my towel from the floor, as I rise and step out of the tub I wrap it around my body. Once completely out I find myself losing my balance from the slightly damp floor and the force of Itori's hug which I can't help but return just as fiercely, for years we had grown closer and closer, for me to just push away and abandon everyone. I'm the shittiest of friends and I find myself too ashamed to even attempt an apology or ask for forgiveness.

Itori never stays silent for long and the room's filled with Itori's hysterical and completely incoherent squealing of pure joy, as we reluctantly pull away from each other the sight of her watery eyes pulls at my heart.

She eventually calms and pulls a lock of my copper hair that's slightly darkened from the water. "So that's what the dye was hiding," She muses having never seen my natural colour before.

"Uh, yeah. I haven't used dye since I found out..." our eyes travel down to my not quite flat stomach the pale skin marred with baby pink scars and just I can't say it, my throat tightens up around the words stopping them from leaving and the tears come for both of us this time as we hold on to each other.

"I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for I'm the one that ran away, I ignored you. It was wrong." We separate again and I make a move to collect my clothes, apart from my hair I'm completely dry now.

There's a light knock at the front door and I forget to breathe.

I finally take in the slight dampness of Itori's hair and clothes, realising that it must still be raining. Now that some of the steam has cleared from the room my nose brings the tote bag of human remains that was left by the door to my attention.

"It's okay, really." She gives me one last reassuring squeeze, she briefly turns to the bathrooms mirror, wipes at her slightly smudged mascara and leaves the room with her bag. I get dressed into my only clean clothes; comfy flannel shorts and a green baggy jumper, taking this time to calm down.

I wrap up my hair in the towel and go to wash my face in the sink. I've always been an ugly crier; red eyes, blotchy skin, snot and tears from just a few moments. I lean over the sink gripping hard taking care not to crack the porcelain, some more deep breathing.

I can hear Itori opening the door and a murmured exchange. Itori's animated chatter and another's voice; lower, male and only uttering a few words. I strain my hearing for a third voice, a softer voice which never came. It's now or never. Gathering my discarded clothes, bag and remaining courage I leave my sanctuary and tiptoe out into the living space.

Yomo Renji. Only slightly taller and broader than I remember only gives me and polite nod and a "You look well" before quietly going to the kitchenette and making a start on the coffee.

Oh quiet, simple, sturdy Renji, why couldn't I have fallen for you?

I take all of my belongings into the utility cupboard and dump everything on top of the washing machine for tomorrow. While doing this I sneak a few glances at Itori who was plating up body parts with a slight flush starting at her cheeks and continuing down her neck, and Renji filling two mugs and giving the task far too much concentration than necessary. The scene's cute and I can't help but feel like a third wheel.

I make myself comfortable on the floor by one of the coffee tables sides switching on the tv; it's that man again, the ghoul enthusiast. What half truth has he unraveled this time?

Itori's giggle caught my attention, it's the giggle for Renji only. She came over with the three plates one in each and and the other balanced precariously on her out stretched arm Renji following with a tray of drinks, two coffees and a glass of water with as many ice cubes wedged in as possible. Both sit on either side of me coincidentally opposite each other, we each collect our plates and beverages, looking down at my plate I know I'll have to eat again tomorrow. I clap my hands together in prayer Renji and Itori also "Thank you for the meal."


	3. Chapter 3

We ate and drank mostly in silence occasionally forcing small talk and when that became difficult we sat on the sofa making snide remarks towards the ghoul lover's theories, I'll admit the latter was mostly Itori and I.

It was almost comfortable, comfortable enough for me to fall asleep leaning on Renji's shoulder sometime in the early morning.

Though I grudgingly accepted that our group felt like it was missing something.

Or someone.

I slept.

And I slept, the growling of my stomach unable to disturb me. I hadn't moved from that spot in what must have been days except for the occasional toilet break, that was until my rude awakening of a freezing cold ice cube was placed at my shirt's neck and left to slowly slide it's way down my warm back. I sat bolt upright to Itori standing over me with another cube poised if need be and a weary look. "Fey, you can't live on the sofa forever. You haven't hunted since you got here, you don't have a job and you're stinking up the place." With this Itori puts the ice in the glass in her other hand and passes it to me, I fish out the remainder of the cube in my shirt and stick it in my mouth letting it dissolve completely. Itori crinkled her nose and went into the kitchen checking the cupboards, "I'm heading out. I'll bring back some food from the bar and I'll get some clothes for you as I'm sure what you have in your bag won't survive a wash." On her way out Itori drops a note pad and pen on my lap, before I can cut through the depressed brain fog and process all that's just occurred she's out the door

Where would I begin? Does she want me to make a list? I stare down at the stationery hoping to find the answers but it stubbornly stays silent. I down my partially frozen water chewing the pieces of ice before reaching for the pen, guess I better give this a shot.

 _1\. Shower_

That's a good start.

 _2\. Avoid Uta forever_

Not very realistic.

 _2\. Visit Anteiku_

That's better, it'll be nice to see the kids again and Mr Yoshimura.

 _3\. Get a job_

That'll be harder than the other two. There's a limited amount of career paths in Tokyo for someone without any paperwork, formal education or references.

 _4\. Kill Uta_

Pshhh not likely.

 _4\. Find somewhere to live_

That might be as hard as getting a job, but as much as I would like to stay with Itori I know I'll have to move on.

5\. See Uta, get it over with and move on.

Let's face it it's going to happen, we have the same friends and we're both grown ups now. I can do this.

And with that I went to do number one; have a shower.


End file.
